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If you’re looking for painless ways to end your life, here are top five ways to suicide – no pain, easy peasy.

First off, if you’re reading this, I’m sure there is something going on in your life – possibly something bad. You have thoughts – negative ones mostly. I need you to understand that, this is normal, but you’re right. You probably are going through a bad time in life. People don’t care about you anymore, nobody loves you, you feel awful. You are in debt, or worse… an ailment and you’re in pain. I understand.

Suicide is an easy option. Possibly because you want to start over at the press of a button. Like a video game. Press the button. Boom! Restart.

You see, life is very like (and unlike) a video game. In video games, you either fail or win. There is a certain something that you have to do to win. Like get to the fucking princess. Or find a treasure. Something.

Life is different. Sometimes there are no princesses, no villains. Heck, no fucking treasure. It’s frustrating. Let’s hold on to that thought for a second. Moving on….

People don’t care for you, isn’t it?

Let’s talk about all those idiots around you. People.

They don’t care. They don’t treat you well. Selfish SOBs. There is no fucking meaning to relationships.

I get the frustration. But here’s the thing. What if they cared? Like, how much is enough? How much should they care for you to be happy?

You don’t know? Well, they don’t know either. I guarantee you, after you’re gone, they’re gonna cry. Like they cared. Hah!

The secret about people, nobody will tell you

Now, here’s a fun fact about people. You can game them. They’re not as clever as you think they are. You can make them dance according to your wish if you know where and how to pull the strings. 😉 I do it all the time, let me tell you how.

This is the secret, note it down (No really, write it down on a piece of paper or something).

1. First off, think about your favorite person in life. The one, whom you will talk to before you suicide.

2. Think about that one thing you wish they did to you (obviously they didn’t do it). Write it down.

3. Now, this is the important part. It requires some effort so, focus…

4. Approach the person you thought of, and do that thing you wished they did to you, even before they can do it to you. Got it?

Ok, it’s a bit complex. Let me break it down for ya.

For example, if you wanted someone to tell you that they loved you.. say your wife or your son or your lover…. Find the SOB, get a minute from him and stand right in front of him/her.

Swallow your pride. Forget your past. Look straight in their eyes. And say “I love you, you SOB!”.

Fucking walk away then. Let them marinate on it for a while.

5. Now you sit back, relax and enjoy the show.

I guarantee you. You’ll be surprised the way they react. What you just did, is the most powerful thing in the universe (or hologram of whatever the hell it is). They can’t ignore it.

I’ll leave it to you to figure out what will happen next. You will enjoy it, I guarantee.

Wait..now, let’s get to the point, ways to suicide. Almost fucking forgot.

1. Jumping off a building

Probably the easiest because nobody will suspect you until they find you dead. Just get to the top of a fucking building and jump down.

There’s one thing though. The time you’re “in flight” from point A to Point B at the ground is going to be so painful than you think. Especially when the building is a high rise. This is the reason why professional jumpers have their harness on, because on the way down, you might lose your limb, or tear your jaw off, or get your back twisted – you know, things like that. And when you reach down, it’s all over.

But God forbid, you survive. Life is going to be miserable. Like living with only a limb, or in a coma despising the moment you chose to jump. Not something you’d want right?

Well, we got more options.

2. Cutting your wrist

You might have seen this in movies. Cut your wrist with a sharp object and job done!

What you need to know though, is that this isn’t easy as it looks like. First the pain involved when you cut your own wrist is too much to suffer before a death. Second, if you’re not a medical practitioner, it is easy to miss that important vein – and if you miss it, you might actually survive the whole ordeal.

So, its not as easy as a simple cut anywhere on your wrist. You got to find the right veins and make sure that you don’t miss them in the process. Its not that painless after all. Also, the fact that you will not die soon but only will be unconscious for a long time, after you cut your wrist, will end you up at a hospital bed as a survivor. Think about the emotional pain you have to go through facing all those people. They’ll be like “Dude..really?”

Awkward.

3. Jumping off the bridge

Probably one of the easiest method, where people will not even doubt you – until you jump that is. Make sure you get to a “safe” place, where there is no one around. And make sure when you jump, there are no obstacles on your way. There have been many instances where people jumped off the bridge and got stuck on to a prong on the bridge and remained there hanging awkwardly for hours without food or water, possibly even breaking one of their ankles or limbs. You deserve better.

If people are around, one of them might call for help and get someone to rescue you. It might also be a good idea to make sure there are no swimmers around. Like if there’s one around he’ll enjoy the day rescuing you and ruin your plans to die.

So go find a bridge, where there’s hardly anyone around. Good luck finding one.

4. Taking poison

This involves taking some toxic substance within your body. Poison is easy to find, as some of the daily use chemicals too can be toxic if ingested. The fun thing is that even though most toxic substances are dangerous, they aren’t lethal. Given the right kind of medical attention at the right time, your life can be saved.

Suicide by poison intake has the most number of survivals so, this isn’t a reliable way to suicide. Also, it wouldn’t taste good. Yuck!

5. Hanging yourself

Probably the most popular way to suicide, thanks to movies.

Supposedly, this method is very easy as it doesn’t require you to procure any additional resources like chemicals (or finding a lonely bridge). You can do it from the comfort of your house with no or very less resources. All you need is a stool/chair, a rope and a ceiling hook. I think they have a DIY kit on Amazon.

Few things you got to notice however:

– Make sure the ceiling is strong enough to hold you or you know, you’ll end up breaking your leg.

– Practice well how to tie a knot. Make sure you don’t create one that will loosen out while hanging.

– Make sure the rope is strong enough to hold your weight, or you might slip through.

– Make sure you haven’t eaten for a good amount of time before hanging or all those gross things are going to come out. Not a good sight.

Also, you might already know that movies don’t show the real thing. Don’t use them as references. They exaggerate a lot.

So, if you want to hang, get ready for a big ordeal, fighting with yourself. It has been scientifically proven that human body has “hidden” tactics that gets activated when you’re in tough environments like a sub zero one. Like when you are stuck in the sea alone with no food, or stuck in an island etc. So, make sure you don’t have a fragile mind, while trying to hang yourself.

So, there you have it. Five painless, easy way to suicide and how you can prepare for it.

Now, that you’re here, I might also ask you to think about one thing – before you die that is.

Take a moment to think about you.

Ways-to-suicide

You are reading this on your mobile or a computer. How much did it cost you to buy it? Not so much? Perhaps a few hundred dollars. Hmm.

Do you know this girl on the left? She lives her life on $5/month. You read that right. $5 per month.

I know I know.. you have debt or some kind of ailment that’s got you down. Sure… you deserve to die. But did you notice something?

She is smiling. Are you? When was the last time you smiled? Like from the heart? Can’t remember? No problem.

The thing is she is happy. She is not bothered about money, debt, bank, credit cards, cancer. No! She lives in the moment.

Do you know this guy on the right?

His name is Nick Vujicic. He was born with Phocomelia. i.e, he was born without fully formed limbs. It’s funny how he can smile.

I mean, if you were in his position, would you smile? Perhaps not. You’re already thinking about suicide.

Now, here’s the thing.

Every one has to go. Heck, nobody knows what’s gonna happen tomorrow. 151,600 people die each day. People mourn. Attend funerals and move on.

Nothing. Fucking. Changes.

Nobody cares. Everything will work just the way it is supposed to. Your “disappearance act” won’t make any difference. Nope!

Life’s like that. You are alive today. That’s a pretty big deal. You’re able to see what’s going on. You can breathe. You can eat, love, feel the pain…whatever!

You got money. Compared to that girl above, you’re better off. Compared to the guy on the right, you’re better off.

Of course, there’s your fucking debt, cancer and bullshit story. Fuck that.

You know, I happened to see this amazing picture the other day. They say that’s where we are. That it’s the universe. It’s huge.

They say we’re a speck on it. Smaller than a speck of dust. Something like that. They might even be lying. Who knows?

But you know what? We don’t even know if there’s a second chance. You and me doesn’t mean anything compared to all of that. We’re here, enjoying it all – that’s what matters.

Wait. I know what you’re thinking. No, I don’t believe in God and all that bullshit.

It’s funny, when you think of God, what comes to mind is some white dude with long robes and white hair sitting on a fucking throne or something. Up in the heavens. I don’t even know which way the heaven is. (They always point up. Which way is up? Go figure.) Like, he had to have an ethnic background and everything! ROFL.

That’s the media fucking with your mind. It is irrelevant to prove whether or not there is some body/ force like that. Irrelevant. Doesn’t matter.

What is relevant, is that there is you. You are alive. You have a name. A chance. People know you. You can do whatever you want. You can experience this thing called life.

But of course there is debt. There is cancer. So what? You only die tomorrow. Not today. Today is your’s. Why fast forward, when you can play today?

Think about those kids in Africa and India.

They don’t have a house. No money. No food. You have it all. They don’t complain. They are fighting it. And some of them made it big in life. From zero to hero.

Some fought cancer….. Some paid off their debts…… Some are enjoying life, even without limbs.

But you fucking complain.

It’s OK. Life isn’t fair. There is no body judging you. Everybody screws up.

Know this. You can’t fix life. It isn’t something of any order to fix. Nobody knows what it is. It’s just there to experience. Like you are.

What you can do, is be there and enjoy it, while you can. Lower your expectations. Don’t try to find happiness through others. They’re busy. Like you are.

Find it within you. Smile. Enjoy. Live while you can.

Love.

If you still want help, please call any of the following numbers.

iCall, Mumbai – +91 22 2556 3291
Vandrevala Foundation Helpline – 1 860 266 2345
Thanal, Kerala – 0495 237 1100
Prathyasa, Kerala – +91-480 – 2820091
Pratheeksha, Kerala – +91 484 2448830
Saath, Ahmedabad – 079 2630 5544, 079 2630 0222
Roshni, Secunderabad – 040 790 4646
Lifeline Foundation, Kolkata – +91 33 24637401
Sumaitri, New Delhi – 011-23389090
Maithri, Kochi – 91- 484 – 2540530
Connecting India, Pune – 9922001122
Nagpur Suicide Prevention Helpline – 8888817666
The Samaritans Mumbai – 022 6464 3267, 022 6565 3267, 022 6565 3247
Sneha, Chennai – 91-44-2464 0050, 91-44-2464 0060
Maitreyi, Pondicherry – +91-413-339999
Aasra, Mumbai – 91-22-27546669